Women Simply Won't Shut Up!

"Women don't understand the power of their silence and simply won't shut up. Women no longer move in femininity, and it is at the foundation of not knowing their place."

These were words I heard spewing from the lips of a very prominent woman in the entertainment industry, known for her fight in healing the community of generational trauma. This was a short Instagram clip sent to me by a close friend, one whom I seem to debate with often about what makes a healthy relationship. We almost never agree on the topic. As I allowed the clip to play over and over again, as we all do, I raced to the comments to get a consensus of what the masses felt about the stance this seasoned woman had taken. I was not disappointed.

To no surprise of my own, I found exactly what I expected, push back and defense. I found comments from other women, those sharing the pigment of my own complexion saying things such as, "Nobody's listening to those old women who allowed these men to walk all over them", "Why are they always so quick to tell us what to do", my fav, "Not today aunty". I got a good laugh as I scrolled through the comments, ultimately questioning my stance on the issue at hand.

Do I believe women are simply not giving silence enough space in their relationships? Also, is the ability to be silent a single identifier of femininity?

After a short moment in my head, I decided, I agree...

I thought back to relationships where I truly found myself silent and at peace. Not the boiling rage silence we lean on to keep from becoming a resident of Cell Block C but true peaceful silence. That was it, that was the part we were all seeking, peace. A safe space is where the silence of a woman lives.

Women are so enamored with being valued and cared for by the man we chose to place at the center of our lives that we stop allowing them to show us and begin to force-feed them of all of our greatness. What do I mean by this? When we love, we come in with our whole heart, expecting to receive the treatment and care we give in return. Like any sane person, we want to feel valued and cared for by the person we have chosen to spend our lives with. We'll do this by any means necessary, even if that action is overplaying our hand.

I agree that women do talk too much. I believe that women have come accustomed to proving their worth to a man that shows no effort in caring for them wholly. We began to feel the pressure of reminding them of what we bring to the table. Raising our voices one or two optics to refresh their memory of the clothes we wash, the times we've turned a blind eye to mistreatment, and all the times we welcomed him home from work with a hot meal and a warm place between our legs to find relief. We go out picking fights when noticing him sharing looks with another woman from across the room.

We have forgotten how to walk away from people who no longer value us. We have lacked the confidence in choosing self when no one else will. We have blamed ourselves for the mistreatment from loved ones, running a stake through the point of view of ourselves. While those who hurt us are ultimately to blame, we as women, have to be accountable for the space we allow others to take up in our lives. When is enough, enough? When do we stop being the victim and become the fools? While they owed us reciprocation, we owe ourselves loyalty and freedom. Freedom from the things that deplete us. Freedom from a loss of power. Freedom from a cycle of exhaustion.

A lack of silence it is a clear sign of fear. A loud and nagging woman is a woman who fears being alone and feels the need to defend exactly who she knows she is. While I do not agree that silence is a single identifier of a woman's femininity. It is at the foundation of the value one has in themselves.

Silence can be found where peace is attained. Learn to walk away when the person you've trusted to love and honor you destroys the space a safety they once gave effortlessly. Be so bold in who you are that you stop screaming your worth at those who lessen it but simply walk away when your need for safety has become too big for the room.

Walking in your purpose is ordered by your steps, not in pitch of your voice.